my darling (i miss you)
by softiesharpie
Summary: An angsty take on the newly revealed 5x05 episode title.


Ava didn't know how long she'd been sitting there for.

It had just been a couple weeks ago when Sara contracted a magical illness. It had destabilized her completely at first, her body couldn't handle the new effects of the illness. Gideon was barely able to save Sara before she flatlined, and she'd been in a coma since.

That day, Ava had helped the team fight Genghis Khan for one of their missions, but it just didn't feel the same without Sara.

Ava was sitting on the medbay bed next to Sara, contemplating everything. She was terrified for Sara's life. She knew Sara was strong, but what if life didn't give her any more chances? What if she died and wasn't able to come back again?

Ava shook her head at that thought and looked down at Sara, frowning when she noticed that she was paler than the last time she'd looked at her. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how she'd cope if something happened to Sara and she didn't even want to think about that.

Since Sara had slipped into a coma, Ava had been acting as interim captain and while, yes, Ava was great with leadership roles, it was clear that all of the Legends were missing Sara.

Ava took Sara's ice cold hand and squeezed it, willing herself not to start crying again. She believed that Sara could hear her, and she didn't want the blonde to hear her have yet another breakdown.

While Ava was out on the field with the rest of the Legends, she'd been wearing Sara's rings to feel close to her. At first, and quite honestly still now, Ava felt embarrassed about it. But, she was much too distressed to worry about her embarrassment now.

The rings had provided slight comfort to her, made her feel like Sara was fighting alongside her. But, it wasn't the same as Sara actually being conscious and okay, and fighting out there with them.

"You need to be okay." Ava whispered and sniffed, bringing Sara's hand up to her mouth to kiss it. "You have to." Her voice cracked and Ava had to stop, feeling her throat tighten with the distinct warning that she was about to cry.

"I can't do this without you. The Legends need you, I need you. You can't go."

Ava looked at Sara's face, searching for some kind of sign that Sara was listening to her. There was nothing.

Ava closed her eyes and inhaled shakily, feeling her reluctant tears start to fall. Her grip tightened on Sara's hand as she kissed it a few times.

She looked back down at Sara and she felt whatever hope she had left dissipate when the blonde was still just as unconscious and unresponsive as before. Ava couldn't help but cry.

She covered her mouth with her free hand to muffle her sobs, trying to be as quiet as possible. She'd never felt this much anguish ever in her life, she felt like she could truly lose Sara and that thought alone scared her to death.

"Damnit Lance!" Ava sobbed, and she knew if Sara was awake, she'd be wincing at how hard Ava was squeezing her hand.

"You can't leave me! There's so many things we haven't gotten to do yet." Ava kept choking on her sobs, and she was a bit worried that she'd faint from how shallow her breaths were. Her vision was spinning a bit.

Ava stopped talking, she needed a moment to calm herself down. The last thing Sara needed was to helplessly hear Ava crying and not be able to do anything about it.

Once Ava could breathe somewhat normally, she chuckled bitterly.

"You know, when you said all those months ago that you wanted us to fight Genghis Khan together, I never would've expected it would be like this," Ava smiled sadly, "for one, I thought you'd actually be conscious during it."

She, once again, carefully looked at Sara's face to see any sort of movement. There wasn't any.

"I'm tempted to go back in time and stop all of this from happening, but I can't. Even though the Bureau doesn't exist anymore, I still feel obligated to follow protocols. How stupid is that?"

Ava sighed when Sara didn't respond. "The team misses you, it's obvious I do too. Gideon says she thinks you'll be okay but..." she sighed, "she doesn't know how this will affect you long term. I... I just want you to be okay."

Ava slipped off her shoes so she could lay down fully on the bed. She repositioned Sara so she could lay in her arms, it was a bit difficult at first due to Sara's unresponsiveness. She pulled the blanket over both of them and kissed Sara's cheek before she held her closer.

"I'm not giving up on you, Sara." Ava whispered and sniffed, wiping away her tears as she looked over to watch Sara's heart monitor. She then laid down with her ear over Sara's heart, so she could hear it beating steadily.

She felt a wave of relief wash over her as she listened to Sara's heartbeat. She now understood why Sara always liked to fall asleep listening to Ava's heartbeat, it was inexplicably calming and Ava found herself being lulled into a partially-contented state from it.

Ava slipped her hand under Sara's shirt to gently rest on her side, the skin to skin contact calming her even more. "I love you, darling, and I'm not going anywhere." She murmured and held Sara closer.

"I promise." She added quietly and she could've sworn she felt Sara slightly twitch against her.


End file.
